so im sittin here on the patio, enjoying the sun and my dad's beer, thinkin bout everything im up to. waitin for san antonio to get back to me *knock on wood*, smokin tons of pot and playin videogames (gundam and budokai kick major ass), lookin for a job (halfassed, thats no bueno), lookin for a new girl, thinkin bout the old girls...

i havent seen alex since like march, have barely spoken to her, and it takes so much effort to not talk to her. id hate to just kill all possible contact with her, thats just not my style. i try to stay in touch with everyone, ya know? i oughta try keepin in mind the downside of her. she hated my music, she lied about matt, played me for a chump, and ever since her, theres been this fuckin itch... goddamnit, well ill miss the gorgeous psycho.

carolyne popped up the other week, stressed and depressed as hell as usual, asked me to be her boyfriend, and then when i finally get to see her again, like a week later, she goes "you know, i was just in a really rough spot, i dont think i wanna be in a relationship right now..." i think the few chicks that do admit to being attracted to me just arent attracted to me as a guy they wanna date, which is really a shame.

i dont know. im at the point where i know i cant sit and wait for things to come to me anymore. but i dont want to go out in pursuit of these things, id rather go out in pursuit of some fun and mischief, and find these things along the way. its a curious idea, and i dont think it will work much. perhaps i should just focus on appeasing my parents till i hear from utsa...

someday soon this roadtrip is gonna happen. hopefully.